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Confessions from the Heart - written by iram





There is a long-standing relationship I have been involved in for many, many years. It is a necessary connection, but it has never been normal or healthy... As ridiculous as it sounds, I am talking about my dysfunctional relationship with food. 


My emotions and sometimes, lack of emotions, have always been directly connected to my eating habits. I have often envied people being able to eat a whole plate of food without a second thought or guilty feeling. At certain stages during my teenage years it became so bad, that I wasn’t able to really eat until I was full in front of anybody. I would eat very small portions and “top-up” later when I was alone. I always imagined people thinking….REALLY? Should you really be eating that in your condition? That’s what I imagined people said because, honestly, that is what I was thinking to myself.


Around ages 17 to 18 I just wanted to be in control and in my distorted mind, vomiting after meals and excessive exercise seemed the best way to do this, and for the first time in my short life I reached my goal weight. Everybody was so impressed with my fantastic self-control and I was complimented on how wonderful I looked, but really, for me, nothing had changed. I just had “a big girl’s brain in a smaller frame” For the few that know me; you know that I am gifted in keeping my “mask” in place. So for all intents and purposes, I was a wonderfully happy teenage girl who had taken control of her life until a friend of mine caught me “taking control” of matters after meals, and I felt very ashamed. A year or so following that I struggled with many things and made some very bad decisions, and hindsight being the wonderful thing that it is, I see now that I was just replacing one bad habit for other bad habits. 


Why am I confessing this? I wish I could tell you that this story has a happier ending, but I can’t, not yet anyway. I am not telling you this story because I have it all figured out and I am skipping off into the sunset… 

Although I don’t vomit after meals anymore, I am not skinny in any way and I still can’t eat without feeling guilty… BUT… I have, however, given my heart to God and I am consciously allowing Him to change the way I see myself. I have been diagnosed with PCOS and I am lactose and wheat intolerant (the irony is not lost on me) and although I don’t love all of myself yet, I am able to love parts of myself. And God gave me the most amazing husband that just loves ALL the parts of me, even the ones I don't.


I share this because God wants you to know that there is always hope. 

 To believe in Jesus, is to live in hope. 



with love, 
iram


*iram is an arabic name meaning heaven





Opmerkings

Gewilde plasings van hierdie blog

Mike Maeshiro

Mike is from Redding, California. Because of his inspirational quotes, we voted Mike NR 1 on our Top 10 list of folks to follow on Instagram. If you're hungry for truth and frustrated with fluffy-facebook riddles and rhymes, this is the guy to follow.
1. What inspires you?
Firstly, Jesus is a big inspiration for me. I met Him when I was 18. He changed my life. Reality shifted when that happened. We each carry a unique aspect of God, we are His expression. So I want to help people release who He is as them. He's locked up in each one of us and I have declared war on conformity, pretending, manipulation, self-hatred, rejections, fear, ignorance and deception because these keep the light hidden.

My other answer would be pain. The pain I've experienced in my life, I have a strong desire to help other people heal from and overcome the things that have stolen from them and kept them small. I hope my journey can lift their eyes and help them find the way out of their own darkness.


2.…

THE ROAR

Dis lanklaas wat 'n fliek my so opgewonde gehad het dat ek my man wil afvlieg om die uitsending in George te gaan kyk. Die fliek waarvan ek praat is THE ROAR, 'n Frans Cronjé film, wat ek onlangs in Pretoria met die vertoning daar gaan kyk het vir resensie doeleindes. Die film stem so wonderlik ooreen met Nasie se leuse en hartklop...
Die hele fliek gaan daaroor om uit te vind wat jou lewensdoel is, dit raak te sien en om dit te bereik. Spreker, Gustav Gous was ook daar gewees. Hy praat gereeld oor lewensdoel en sy insprake was vir my baie spesiaal gewees. Hy het gesê mense dink hulle het net een doel, maar ons het eintlik ten minste 9 doele wat God vir ons elkeen uniek gemaak/gegee het. Dit was vir my 'n baie lekker ervaring en veral om te sien hoe opgewonde Frans Cronjé is oor hierdie film!
The Roar vorm deel van 3 verskillende films onder die Purpose Campaign. 6 Below wys reeds by lokette, The Roar en Victor is die ander twee en word die 2de Maart en die 13de April bekend…

Hennie Meyer Ceramics

Hennie Meyer is 'n keramiek kunstenaar van Kaapstad. Sy klei-kunswerke wek kalmte, nuuskierigheid en bewondering. 


1.Wanneer het jy jou passie om met klei/keramiek as medium te werk ontdek?
Ek is die jaar na matriek as Rotariër uitruilstudent na Australië. Dit was in 1984. Die skool in Australië het geweier om op daardie stadium ’n “wit” Suid Afrikaner in die skool in te neem. Die enigste tersiëre instansie wat bereid was om my te onderrig was die plaaslike technikon en ook net die kunsdepartement! So ek was baie gelukkig om heeltemal toevallig vir ’n jaar lank ’n diploma in keramiek te kon doen. Die medium het my perfek gepas. Ek het teruggekom en kunsonderwys op Stellenbosch studeer. Op Stellenbosch was ’n wonderlike dosent in keramiek, David Steele, wat my liefde vir klei verder aangemoedig en ontwikkel het.

2. Wat inspireer meeste van jou werk?

Die klei self is die sterkste inspirasie. Klei is ’n wonderlike medium. Wanneer ek met die klei werk is ek baie bewus van die proses. Hie…